"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

 I was reminded of this famous saying recently as I wrap-up week #1 of Chris living in Texas.  Most give Eleanor Roosevelt the credit for saying these legendary words but really the quote dates back to The Roman poet Sextus Propertius gave us the earliest form of this saying in Elegies: "Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."  Then in the 1830s, another author, Miss Strickland, gave us the more updated version of the quote that appeared in one of her pieces that was printed in The Pocket magazine of Classic and Polite Literature.  Now even though this simple phase has a long history and has been said by many celebrated people, I don’t know how true it really is.

Now before you get all up in arms, I am in no way saying that I do not miss my husband.  I do miss him.  I miss our conversations, his help, his support, and many other things.  But is his absence really making our hearts grow fonder?  Over and Over again we see this quote fall short.  When people move away, even if they don’t move far, very often their old friends don’t work harder to keep in touch or miss them more.  Many times, the person is missed at first but then life moves on and those relationships progress.  The friends are happy when they are reunited but as more time passes that they are apart, they will have less and less in common.  

Is this always true?  No, there is an exception to every rule.  Every now and then you meet wonderful friends who stay close to you no matter the distance.  Many of these special jewels in my life stood by me at our wedding not long ago.  These are the friends that you can go a week or a month without talking to and then pick up again and never miss a beat.  But all too often, distance or absence wrecks havoc on friendships.  Not the type of havoc that is fast and furious, but the type that is slow and almost unnoticed.  Until one day you wake up and realize you haven’t talked to that friend in a while and have no idea what is going on in their life and that friendship seems to fade, existing forever in your past but not in your present.

So let’s bring this back to my marriage.  Do I think our relationship will be one of those that fade into the past?  Absolutely not.  But I don’t think his absence is helping to make our hearts grow fonder.  Maybe it is because of the stage our relationship was in.  We were just learning to live together, to rely on each other.  Now that he lives in Texas, I am back to living on my own.  If I don’t make dinner, no one else will.  If I don’t do the dishes, no one else will.  And the house is exactly as dirty or clean when I get home from work as it was when I left.   

I think the same is true for Chris.  When we first started dating, he commented that he was completely self-sufficient and didn’t need anyone.  As our relationship grew and our marriage took root he began to rely on me.  For little things at first but then for bigger things.  Now he is back to doing all of those things, big and small, for himself.  I am glad he is self-sufficient but it is always nice to be needed.

As I count down the days until his return, I know when he comes home things will get back on track.  The pain of this separation will pass.  We will adjust again and go back to the happy bliss we had before.  But as for now, we focus on work and school and wrap ourselves in the comfort of our busy lives for this is one of the easiest ways for us to face the challenge set before us with courage.  I believe that Roman poet was a little confused.  I think my heart would grow fonder not with Chris’s absence but with his presence.  I know this is not the romantic thing to say.  We all want to believe in that romantic idea.  But the reality of the situation is that all too often as time continues, absence seems to make the heart grow indifferent.

"It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death."  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Texas Tumbleweed and Tacos!

So Chris and I embarked on another great adventure this last weekend.  We drove the 19 hours to McAllen, TX.  Chris will be completing a job down there for his company and will be spending the next 5 months there on site.  So we took the weekend to drive down, move him in, and fly home.  We packed up a small U-Haul trailer with essentials (having a second house worth of good came in handy) and started the trip early Friday morning.  One of the most... exciting parts of the trip was that the Wednesday before we left, the AC in the truck decided to die.  So we drove all 19 hours in a very hot truck!  The drive down was interesting.  As we moved into TX, I found it to be much flatter than I thought it would be.  I had not been to that part of the country in a very long time and most of the times that I pass through I only see the airport.  Anyway it was flat and the trees didn’t grow as tall as they do in Alabama.  And let me tell you... we really did see tumbleweed!  It was pretty cool!  We also had a blast counting cowboy hats and belts with silver decorations.  I decided if I ever move to TX than I am definitely getting a pair of cowboy boots.  They were everywhere and super cute!

We drove all day Friday and stopped in Houston.  We stayed in a hotel right off the interstate.  By this time we were both exhausted and nasty from riding in the baking truck.  So we decided to grab some dinner to go, watch a movie in the room and crash!  We went to Denny's.  Big mistake!  Chris says that our stomachs just aren't as strong as they used to be.  I don't think I ever would have enjoyed the meal of overcooked, cold eggs and super heavy, ever absorbent pancakes.  I just thank God we didn't get sick off the meal.  We watched a great movie and then slept like rocks.  The best part was the AC in the room was wonderful!  The next morning we got up to finish our drive.  We pulled into McAllen and went straight to Chris's new apartment.  After checking in and getting keys, we moved him into his second floor place.  It is a really nice apartment in a gated community.  It has a beautiful pool, a sand volleyball area, and is near a big open field that is perfect for flying kites.  Unloading the U-Haul was not that complicated.  We decorated his new apartment in early monastery or monk and kept everything very minimal.  He doesn’t have a couch or dressers but he has his favorite recliner, a nice TV and a comfortable bed so he is happy.  We even got him a mini gas grill for his porch so he is a very happy camper.

After moving him in we decided to go drop off the U-Haul and explore our new surroundings.  On the way down to McAllen I had done an internet search to find the top 10 things to do in the city.  The public library made it into the top 5.  Needless to say, I was determine to find something great about the city, maybe a hidden treasure that hadn’t made it on to my previously found list.

Our first challenge was finding where to return the U-Haul.  After finding said location, we discovered that they were closed.  Luckily we could just leave the trailer there.  So then Chris and I had to get the trailer to release our trailer hitch.  Sounds easy right?  Nope.  For some reason the trailer really wanted to stay with us.  After fighting with it for what felt like forever we finally removed the trailer hitch from the truck and then the trailer released the hitch.  So… two challenges down.  Who would have thought we were about to face our third and biggest challenge when it came to the simple act of dropping off the U-Haul… placing it in the line with the other three trailers.  We fought and lifted, pulled and pushed, and finally got that U-Haul where it had to be “parked”.  By the time we were done, we were extremely dirty, sweaty, and sore.  I think I pulled muscles I didn’t even know I had.  After the exhausting U-Haul drop-off experience we didn’t feel like really exploring but we needed food.

For those of you that know me, you know that I love good food.  I love to eat and try new things.  It is one of my favorite parts of traveling.  I often say that I work out so that I can eat!  Well, Chris totally made up for the awful Denny’s experience.  He took me to this great little hole-in-the-wall pizza place.  We had a quiet meal and enjoyed a great pizza with tons of meat and other toppings on it, including mushrooms, onions, and olives!  YUM!  We then hit Wal-Mart for just the basics.  We then went back to the apartment and crashed.  It had been a draining day and our battle with the U-Haul just abut did us in!

On Sunday we slept in and then went exploring.  We found some great shops, restaurants, and sights to see.  McAllen is a pretty little city full of trees, houses with Spanish architecture, golf courses, and lots of fountains.  The people were all very friendly to us… even though neither of us spoke Spanish!  The weather the entire trip was beautiful according to me.  Chris thought it was too hot.  He described it best when he said that it was like being in a hair blow-dryer, hot and very windy!

On our adventure on Sunday we bought some kites and took advantage of the open field near the apartment.  But the wind was so strong that one kite couldn’t get off the ground and the other flew well for a bit before the wind tore it up.

Sunday also brought about our next great experience with food.  Chris picked a Mexican restaurant that was exceptional!  The service was good and the food was wonderful.  I got carne esada burritos and loved them!  There were different than the carne esada that I had in San Diego, but they were still really good.  I also had one of the best strawberry daiquiris I have had in a while!

As Monday rolled around, Chris took me on a tour of the job-site.  It was awesome to see where he will be and meet some of the people he will be working with for the next couple of months.  After visiting the job, we headed to a few more shops (including getting squeaky toys for the girls) and then off to the airport.
We were blessed to be picked up by a good friend from the airport and driven home.  The girls returned the next day and it was wonderful as always to see them.  Overall, Chris and I had a blast on our mini working vacation.  It was fun to spend time together and meet challenges together as a team.  I liked Texas.  Hopefully I will get a chance to visit again.

I think Chris will do great on this job.  He is a strong engineer and project manager.  Honestly though… I want the job to start so it can end and he can come home to me.  This separation will be the first of our marriage.  I know we can do it.  If anyone can do it, Chris and I can.  I just have to think of this as another great adventure… another challenge to meet together as a team.

Our Storage Unit... Symbollic?

So we recently the daunting task of cleaning out our storage unit.  Anyone who has ever taken 2 houses and collapsed them down to 1 knows that you are going to have too much stuff!  Well, that is what happened to my husband and me.  We moved into his bachlor-pad.  So I have spent the last month or so adding my touches.  And after many weekends of going through things and getting rid of things the house finally seems liveable.  So our next task was to clean out the storage unit that we just dumped things in when we moved me from my apartment just prior to the wedding. 

The plan was for my in-laws to come over and help and in return I would provide food.  Now, I was extremely nervous about this.  I don't know why... I guess no one really likes other people going through their stuff, even if it is with the best intentions.  But there was no way I could help Chris move the furnature and other big items by myself. So the family agreed to come and help.  And for their help I totally love them.  But I was nervous non-the-less! 

I decided to make one of Chris's favorite meals, pulled pork tocos, because the meat could cook all day while we worked and then be ready for lunch.  So Friday night I prepared the pork by searing it on all sides and placing it in the crock pot.  Then I covered it in some souce and stuck the entire thing in the fridge.  The next morning, I got up and started the meat at 5 am so it would be ready by our 1 pm lunchion. 

Now let me back up.... prior to this durring the week while I was slammed with work, teaching, and school I also talked Chris into helping me deep clean our entire house.  It was to be the first time the in-laws saw the house since we got married and for some crazy reason I decided it had to be perfect.  So Friday night, besides searing and preparing the pork, I also stayed up late scrubing our floors!

Well the family came over and everything actually went really well.  We worked all morning and sorted everything into 5 piles, things either went to charity, the trash, the lake house, our hourse, or back into the storage unit.  I have to admit, at first it was a little strange having my new family members digging through all of my stuff but in the end it all was ok.  It felt really good to go through everything and get rid of things Chris and I didn't want or need.  He got rid of somethings from his bachelor days and I got rid of some of the things from my life before marriage.  We got new rubbermade bins for things we decided to keep and just knowing those things are more organized and safer gives us a whole new peace of mind. 

After working on the storage unit, pulling everything out, sorting it, and then refilling the unit, everyone returned to our house for lunch.  It was really nice to sit in the backyard at the picnic table and catch up with everyone. 

In the end... the day ended up being exhausting, but the good kind of exhausting.  We got to spend time with our family and got to organize our past, removing some of the extra baggage that we all drag around with us.  Turns out Chris and I had both held onto things in the storage unit from our past that we would never use again.  What's funny is we had just filled the storage unit a month or so before we got married.  I guess we just weren't ready to let some of that stuff go then.  But now that we are married and we are looking out the front windshield, we have less time, and I guess less desire, to stare in the rearview mirror.  It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you clean our your storage unit.