Life lessons from the storm

I was reminded of two important things yesterday.  First, I am stronger than I give myself credit for and second, I may be by myself, but I am not alone.

Precious and Koda stayed with me through the storm!

The original idea behind this blog was to explore my new role as a wife.  But with Chris being gone, it seems I have spent more time proving to myself how much stronger I am than I give myself credit for.  It hit me last night as I huddled in our make-shift  shelter with my my two girls, Precious and Koda.  I am stronger than most people me credit for, stronger than I give myself credit for.  One who knows me would think I would have this lesson learned by now.  I am a survivor.  I have always faced every challenge head on.  Just over two years ago, I faced one of my bigger challenges, I started my life over.  It was my choice but it was still one of the hardest things I have ever done.  It was the right decision for me, I found myself again.  But that is a topic for another blog entry.  Then I met Chris and life was wonderful.

But before I got married, I worried that I would loose myself again. I think many new brides feel that way but no one ever wants to talk about it.  I felt it more strongly because I knew the feelings and had walked away before.  I should never have worried.  Looking over the last 4 months I see that I am stronger than ever.  I have successfully moved to a new place and made some new friends.  I have supported Chris as he has had to travel and tackle a new challenging project.  I have gotten sick and better, basically on my own.  I have made my way in a new job and continued to work towards my end goals educationally.  I have gotten comfortable with a new church family, from which I draw much comfort and strength just knowing they are there.  I have basically adjusted to my new home on all fronts.  I am finding my routine, keeping my sense of self, and continuing to face each challenge with strength and hopefully some grace!


As I gathered supplies for the storm last night I knew I had to be strong.  The dogs were reading my body language and would react however I reacted.  As the winds came and the windows shook, the girls and I huddled in our corner and together we were safe.  We talked (yes, I am one of those crazy people who talks to my pets) and listened to the weatherman and prayed for all of those who were out in the storm.  As the house rumbled and the wind howled I was so afraid.  I wished Chris was home with me, to keep me safe.  But at the same time in a weird way, I was so relieved he was safe, far away and safe.  I kept trying to cover the dogs because I could just hear him teasing me if something were to "happen to his girls"!

When it was finally over, I quietly cleaned up our shelter and inspected the house.  We were so blessed.  We had no major damage.  We have some debris in the yard.  But most of it Koda will have chomped up before I return home from work.  She loves to eat sticks!  The rest, I will pick up and dispose of.  It weighs heavy on my heart to think that so much of that debris used to be someone's dreams and treasures.  My prayers go out to everyone suffering loss today.  My only solace lies in the promise that after each storm there is a rainbow and the sun comes out again.  Recovery might take time, but we will recover.

I have often felt alone since Chris left for Texas.  A new place, a new house, basically a new life can do that to you.  But last night, I received text messages and phone calls from people all over and I know I am not alone.  I may be by myself often, but I am not alone.  People near and far are there if I really need them. I am sure there will still be quiet nights when I feel alone but I will always know that if the alarms are sounded, the troops will ride in.

And now, as promised, the storms have cleared and the sun is shinning.  People are starting to put their lives back together.  I am back at work.  Yes... my work was open with "business as usual" today.  My parents are celebrating their anniversary, my sisters are planning trips, and life is continuing.  I plan to continue blogging and exploring my new role as a wife but also continue exploring myself as a person as I continue to grow.  And in the quiet of this moment, I am taking with me the lessons I was reminded of by the storm and these last four months in general.  Whether we like it or not, it is often what we consider life's hardest moments that we gain the most knowledge and understanding from.