Sometimes I wonder how I got to this point. Sitting here trying to get started on my dissertation. I used to be afraid I wouldn’t have anything to say. Now that I am here, I am still afraid but I am more annoyed that I can’t seem to get started. I have something to say, but getting started seems impossable. How did I go from being the top of my undergraduate class, ready to teach and start my life to being bashed for not finishing school yet, fighting to get yet another degree? Oh yes, the question. It all goes back to the question that I was stupid enough to ask back when I was 20 years old and a student teacher at a poor inner-city school, the question that changed the direction of my life – Why?
I was working in this school that seemed to have nothing going for it. I brook up fights every day over the silliest things, mainly over someone stepping on someone else’s shoes or someone looking at someone the wrong way. The teachers spent as much time policing the students as they did teaching them. I was partnered with a 5th grade teacher who was wonderful. She was very skilled and knew what she was doing but still, she spent half the day reading from the book or having the students read from the book and the other half the day writing notes on the board from her notebook that the students were supposed to copy into their notebooks. Part of me wanted to scream, “Doesn’t anyone have a copy machine!?!?” For the first few months of my student teaching, I copied her technique and learned the lay of the land of the school. Everyone taught about the same way and everyone policed the halls about the same way and everyone had about the same results. Students who would rather be home, suspended and teachers who would rather be home, retired.
Then one day something awful happened. I was preparing to proctor an exam and one of my students had made themselves so worried about the test they got sick in the classroom. The poor thing got really sick all over the classroom floor. Anyone who has ever taught any grade level knows this is awful on two levels. The first level is it is extremely disruptive, the entire class goes nuts. And on the second level, it is awful due to the smell. I called the office and they said they would send someone to clean it up in a little while. Great. As our classroom filled with the sour odor of vomit we tried to carry on with our day and our exam. No such luck. The smell was over-powering. So I buzzed the office again and got the same answer. Out of desperation, I went next door and asked my neighbor teacher if she had any ideas. She said she thought there was a janitor’s closet at the end of the hall and it might have some kitty litter in it. She said kitty litter would cut the smell and make it bearable until people got there to clean it up. Being a new teacher, I had never heard of this remedy. But I decided it was worth a try.
I went to out of the classroom to the end of the hallway and found a closet door. I opened the door prayed it was the right one. It wasn’t as far as the vomit was concerned. Instead of being filled with janitorial supplies, the closet was filled with technology! The shelves and walls were lined with dusty projectors, boards, computers, laptops, and headsets. I couldn’t believe it! I stood there in awe before remembering my status as a student teacher and my class that had now been left unsupervised with a pile of vomit (never a good combination). I closed the door, promising myself I would further investigate the closet at a later point in time. I had no idea where another closest was but after a brief moment of panic it dawned on me that there might be a closest on the other end of the hallway. So I quickly walked to the other end of the hall and found another closet door. I opened this door and found the cleaning supplies. And there in the corner was a bag of kitty litter. I grabbed the bag and hurried back to my class. After spreading the kitty litter and learning that neighbor teacher was brilliant, my day got busy and continued in its normal fashion. Why they don’t teach the kitty litter trick in college I will never know but needless to say, I didn’t get back to the technology closest until the end of the week.
As the week wrapped up, my cooperating teacher and I sat reviewing everything. I decided to ask her about the technology closet at the end of the hall. She had been at the school for over 10 years and if anyone knew why it was there, she would. She said that every grade level had a technology closet but no one ever used the tools. Apparently, the school had gotten a technology grant a year or two back and each grade level was provided with new teaching technology. I asked her why it wasn’t being used but she said she didn’t know. She guessed that people had been teaching the same way long before the technology came to the school and they didn’t see a reason to change just because some new toys showed up in a closet. I couldn’t believe my ears. I quickly asked if I could use the technology in my teaching. She said yes, as long as I still met the teaching objectives and made it about the subjects, not the technology. I promised and my way of teaching was never the same.
I brought technology into every aspect of my day. Even just incorporating PowerPoint engaged my students. I built new curricular pieces to accompany the pieces that had been taught for so long. I designed science experiments and reading chat rooms. Even just plugging the technology in for me became a reward that my 5th graders worked for. The number of absences and behavior problems in my class went down and hands started to go up when I asked questions. I didn’t change the content, just the delivery method. Soon, other teachers began noticing the difference and wanted to use the technology too. I taught them how and developed a sign-up sheet for each grade level. Some teachers began racing to sign-up to have the technology in their room during different times of the day. Others didn’t take to the technology so quickly or at all for that matter. As my semester began to wrap up and I was just about finished with student teaching, I still wondered why no one had ever trained the teachers on how to use the technology and why did some teachers take to it so quickly while others still never implemented it even though they had seen the potential it provided. Why do teachers not want to do all they can to help educate their students? Why don’t they want to at least try something if it could improve the retention and transfer of the knowledge?
I had so many questions. To put this query to rest, I went and found one of my favorite professors to ask her why she thought this was. She had earned her Ph.D. in Instructional Design and Development and told me that those were questions that were constantly under investigation. She said I should consider continuing my education to try and find the answers. And as the summer approached, and the job offers began to roll in, I sent out my applications to try and find the answers to my questions. Why did implementation work in some areas of an environment and not in others? How does a person’s concern, interest, value towards something affect their level of using it? Why does education as a field seem to fight change and innovation so much? How does the implementation of technology at the higher education level affect how teachers will implement technology when they get into the real world?
I worked hard and completed my Master’s Degree in Instructional Design and Development. I knew a lot more but still didn’t have the answers to all of my questions. So I continued my education again and pursued my Ph.D. And now I’m sitting here at my laptop struggling to begin my dissertation. I have a feeling I will graduate without knowing the answer to all of my questions. And I will spend my lifetime researching and challenging until I understand. I will have the answer to some of my questions though. I know for my dissertation topic I want to research people’s level of use of a new innovation based on their levels of concern, interest, and value placed on whatever is being implemented. So I guess in the end, that’s how I got here. Vomit, a bad since of direction, curiosity, and determination.
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